October Update - October 17, 2007
Hello Family and Friends,
I’ve had a hard time writing this month. A lot is going through my mind. Jessica’s therapy at “Now I Can” is ending on Thursday. We have been going there for 7 months, and now Jess is moving onto other things… but her walking is getting better, her core strength is stronger, and she doesn’t lean to the right so much. She now recognizes when she is leaning. Her left leg still hyper extends back and does not bend as well, but it has improved from last month. She does better with shoes and her brace on, which isn’t what her attire is around the house. Her balance has much improved and getting better everyday. At “Now I Can,” they had been working a lot lately on Pilate’s, wobble boards, and balance, which has been very good.
We are excited for a change in the next phase of her recovery- She and I will be working with a couple (David and Naomi Mayne) who are qualified in “Physical Fitness and Life Coaching.” They will help Jess and I with Nutrition knowledge, Physical Strength, Goal Making, Confidence, Motivation, and Social Skills along with much more, I’m sure. This will be 3 times a week for 1 and a half hours.
She will also be going to a new therapy place that is much closer. Her therapy time will be 2 times a week for 2 hours at a time, mainly concentrating on Gait Training and Balance. I’m hoping the Physical Fitness Life Coaching and Therapy combined will be a success and compliment each other in different ways. Jessica continues to work 3 to 4 hours a day at her Secretarial job. She likes it and what a good experience for her. Jessica’s attitude continues to be positive. She is so strong- don’t get me wrong - there are times when she gets discouraged or sad, but it never lasts long and she’s back at it again. She really does keep me going. She has often said ” Why worry about what I can’t change? You just have to move on.”
I decided to write a few thoughts I had this week from my own personal journal and share them with all of you. Sometimes it helps to vent.
October 11th I had been asked the question, ” Do you think that things like this happen for a reason, or are they supposed to happen?” Of course I have thought about this question a lot. I’ve experienced grief in a lot of different ways. When Joshua, our first son, died at the age of 2 from a drowning accident, this question of why and was this supposed to happen played in my head for a very long time. I can honestly say that grieving is a refiners fire. At least for me, it was you have to strip away everything and come to terms on how you will handle this and what will you do with it? The answer I had to this question in this particular case with our son was to me a yes. There was a purpose, there was a lesson or lesson’s to be learned. During that time, I realized more than anytime, how much Heavenly Father loved me - his tender mercies to carry me through such a painful time proved never failing. He knew my pain and heard my grief. Every waking hour I cannot say it is that way for everybody, but for me, the lesson of a loving Father who will carry my burdens, was so very evident in my life - and I’ve carried that with me as a part of who I am my whole life since.
Somehow I have found the grieving different this time - I want to say harder, but it’s just different, almost unidentifiable - I have thought both incidents have been life changing and each one came with its own set of situations. I choose to believe that in both situations, there was a choice or a sacrifice for reasons I have yet to figure out. A sacrifice that Jess knew needed to be made for our family? And, the people who know her then and now? Maybe the sacrifice was for herself, her posterity? All of that is still in the Refiners Fire. No - I don’t think that Heavenly Father said OK. August 23rd 2006 will be the day and it will happen this way at this time- even though those have been things that I have truly struggled with. I think all that is Free agency- agency in Jess doing her thing that day, agency about the person who pulled out in front of Jess, just doing there thing and the chain of events after that.
IT’S AGENCY! And now the Father looks on us and says, “What will you do with this? How will the people in this story deal with it? Do they become bitter and resentful?” Although those are feelings I’ve struggled with, but knew that it would destroy me and my family, will they turn to the Lord? Will they trust the Lords will? Will they exercise faith and prayer? Will they treat others with kind kindness and fairness? Knowing that every person who comes in contact with them are children of a loving Father - Are we becoming better people? And what will Jess become? Who will she be? Although I have a feeling that Heavenly Father already knows what she will become and what her potential is - I think He knows the life lessons we are learning. I may not see them now. I didn’t realize them immediately last time either. But, we are still in the refiners fire, waiting to be refined, waiting to be polished, and in the meantime, what do we do with it? Agency is the plan of the Father. The why’s are the things I have to put on a shelf and wait ever so patiently. That Fire is blinding sometimes! The people in this story are learning to TRUST. Little by little.
Jess has a bright future and we continue to support and pray for her. We believe in Jess and her continued progress.
Well, until next month - love always, The Krehbiels: Tim, Geri, Sara (Kade), Samantha, and Ben
“There is a space in Heaven for everyone.”